The first time I met Hannah was in seventh grade. We had only two classes together, but quickly become close friends. Hannah was one of those people that had an inviting smile, infectious laugh, and welcoming aura that made you feel as if you’d known her for your whole life, even if you had just met. When she was assigned the seat next to me in math class, we started talking and never stopped. In the short years I knew Hannah, we made many memories which turned into stories I tell to share her carefree and kind spirit with those who didn’t know her.
My favorite memory of Hannah was at my thirteenth birthday party. It was getting dark and everyone decided to play a game of manhunt. They were splitting into two teams and although it was my birthday, I felt lost in the group of kids yelling and shouting over one another, trying to choose teams. In the midst of the chaos, I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around to Hannah saying, “I want to be on your team! Come on, let's go hide!”. We ran to hide and ended up climbing a tree. We sat up there talking, laughing, and telling stories until we heard people yelling that parents were showing up and the party was over. We somehow climbed and tumbled our way out of the tiny space we were squished into and picked the pine needles out of each other’s hair before we returned to the group. She was always coming up with fun, out of the box ideas to make other people smile. During one of the many times we went over to drop off Robbie, Hannah and I played “ball pit basketball” in the small bounce house in her basement. It was ridiculous and we were way too big, so there was a lot more laughing and falling then basketball playing, but it’s memories like that one that can always bring a smile to my face. My friendship with Hannah is something I will treasure for the rest of my life. I wear her fingerprint necklace every day to keep her close to me and plan on sharing her story and the memories I have her with the people I know, people I’ll meet, and even my own children one day. People are lucky to know someone with the same warm and loving spirit as Hannah, I was lucky enough to have her as a friend and can only hope my sisters, Robbie, and people I love can experience being friends with someone who is even a quarter of the person that Hannah was. It is my goal every day to embody the positive energy and kind soul that was Hannah Duffy, and be the same kind of friend she was to me, to everyone I meet. It has been almost eight years since I have last seen Hannah, but no matter how much time goes on, her memory will live on in me and through me, for the rest of my life.
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In the fall of 2012, I was assigned to work with one of my 8th-grade students on home instruction while she would be absent. This wasn’t the first or last home instruction position that I would have, but it was a position that would change my life. Little did I know at the time, how much my life would be affected by working with Hannah. A few hours at Hannah’s dining room table turned into days, turned into weeks, turned into months.
The time I spent with Hannah is something that I will never forget. We both experienced every emotion you can imagine trying to cram a week’s worth of work into a few hours- anger, frustration, and probably most of all laughter! Even at her lowest points, she worked hard and had a great sense of humor! She laughed with me and at me especially as we tried to tackle 8th-grade science! Hannah’s reaction at my trick to remember that the Atomic Symbol for Gold is AU is something that Sue and I still laugh over! Hannah’s fighting spirit and passion for life were felt by everyone who met her, and the bond that I formed with Hannah and her family is something I will always treasure. ======================================== Sue’s comments: I’ve always said that people come in and out each other’s lives for a reason or a season. For us, what started out as a teacher/student relationship turned into so much more over the course of Hannah’s 8th grade year. Kelly was with Hannah during some of the best moments of her life (the picture of the two of them was at the 8th grade dance, and Hannah was SO happy to be there with all of her friends) as well as many of the tougher moments – there were many days where Hannah didn’t have the strength to do the required schoolwork but somehow they made it work and while there were plenty of tears, there was also so much laughter too. I remember one day being in the kitchen and hearing the two of them hysterical laughing in the dining room. Kelly had all sorts of tricks to remember those crazy scientific symbols and the trick she had for Gold (AU) was pretty funny…they were yelling “AU” (sounds like ‘Hey You’) at each other and were just laughing and laughing. It’s such a sweet memory and for sure Hannah never forgot that symbol! A few years later when we started the tradition to have a special Christmas tree we’ve called “Hannah’s Tree’ filled with ornaments from friends & loved ones, Kelly gifted us an ornament that has become one of my favorites. I chuckle every year when I unwrap it to put it on the tree! From teacher to family, that’s the legacy that Hannah left for us…. I remember being in school in 8th grade and hearing about Hannah’s diagnosis. It was almost laughable that cancer had managed the audacity to try a soul as resilient, strong, and frankly badass as Hannah. It was in those coming months of 2012 that it would later become clear to me why Hannah and her family was chosen to endure the unfathomable. As some of my memories of Hannah fade, her impact and relationship with me in my life is ever evolving. Still, Hannah remains in my memory as a fiery, blonde, skateboarding, sick soccer playing (again) badass, who was unapologetically herself. When someone has the courage to be themselves like Hannah did, it allows others the permission to do the same.
At Hannah’s funeral service, Sue spoke of her journey with cancer, and confided in us that one of Hannah’s fears was being forgotten. As I write this I smile, as if that in some universe was even possible, Hannah would not let it happen! Hannah continues to offer gifts of guidance in the forms of signs that many of her friends are grateful recipients of. One I will mention is when I transferred schools to Seton Hall and was asking Hannah for a sign this was the right decision – in my orientation I was greeted by a facilitator who was assigning me a leader to take me to get my laptop, when she told the leader, “Hannah”, to take me to, “Duffy Hall” and the radio playing THREE CONSECUTIVE songs with butterflies in the lyrics on the drive home. Hannah exists as a beacon of courage, strength, and vulnerability in my life. In times of great darkness Hannah and her family stared fate down the barrel and in an act of defiance instead exuded loving compassion. I continue to be in awe at Sue’s and her family’s courage to share their story, and I am forever grateful and honored that myself and all of Hannah’s friends were allowed to walk that journey with them. It was at the CHOP walk only 2 days after Hannah had passed that where I thought would have been great sadness there was instead connection, love, and celebration of a soul as beautiful as Hannah. My friends at the time quickly turned into family as they continue to be, and that is an attest to our commonality of being blessed to have been touched so deeply by someone as impactful as Hannah. In pain, there is a certain affinity to beauty. I am witness to that every day, as a generation of kids who knew Hannah get ready to graduate school and become teachers, engineers, nurses, veterinarians, athletes, and so much more. As we continue to share Hannah’s story and her testament of courage, strength, compassion, and that fighting spirit in every single one of us, Hannah lives on. How beautiful that Hannah’s story will forever be kept alive and the impact she made, unmeasurable. May we all look at Hannah and her family for courage to make an impression on this earth as powerful as that. People die, but I think your relationship with them does not. It continues and is ever-changing”. Jandy Nelson It’s so hard to believe that Hannah would be 22 this year. It’s weird how the memories of her journey feel like yesterday, but when I think of the last time I saw Hannah, it feels like a lifetime ago. The beautiful thing is - when you keep the memories and the thought of her close, it seems like time hasn’t moved, that nothing has changed.
Hannah was the type of person that you could never forget. Her spirit and soul left an everlasting imprint on all of us. It’s easy to think about her in the little things like driving by a soccer field, walking into the Pinebrook deli, hearing a contagious laugh, coming across a familiar freckled face, seeing the color purple, or watching a beautiful butterfly on a sunny day. But her memory goes far beyond symbols - the strongest part of it exists in the way we all carry ourselves differently because of her. Hannah is the part of my soul that was changed back in 2013. Her story was a turning point in the not only the way I viewed life, but the way I lived it. So even in the moments where there aren’t physical symbols representing her, Hannah’s spirit lives on through all of the people that she touched. If you want a glimpse of Hannah, take a look at all of her friends and you will find her in the way that we all live. When I think of Hannah, I can’t help but smile. Although she is physically not here, I have carried her with me through every milestone and journey. When I graduated college back in May of 2019, I held my Hannah ribbon tightly. I remember sitting in my chair during the ceremony, and with the sun shining brightly, I looked down at what other people saw as just a ribbon. But it meant so much more to me. It meant I was carrying Hannah with me through one of my proudest moments, knowing that she was shining down through that sun saying, “you did it Hager!” This year our beautiful Hannah would have been celebrating her 22nd birthday on March 18th. It's so hard to believe this will be the 8th birthday celebrated in heaven and not here with us. This year is also another milestone as she would have been getting ready to graduate from college this spring.
Each year we host a facebook fundraiser and last year I shared pictures of Hannah over the course of the month but this year I wanted to do something a little bit different, so throughout the month of March we shared stories from friends and loved ones in remembrance of Hannah. The following blog posts include those shared stories. She was an amazing young woman who is so dearly missed every single day - we hope you enjoy these incredible stories of love for our girl. I've always been a firm believer that there are NO coincidences in this life...and recently we experienced one of those moments that has forever changed our lives for the better. Where do I even begin with this incredible story? Well, to start, this year we made the decision to expand the Hannah Duffy Memorial Community Service Scholarship program to all graduating seniors within Monmouth County -- remember the no coincidences? As you read on, you will understand exactly why there are no coincidences, just moments that are 'meant to be'. Students are required to write an essay as part of our application process, and this story revolves around one of those essays. In mid April, I was in Sarasota, Florida, participating in a playground build for the Where Angels Play Foundation. After the playground was completed, we had an opportunity to spend some time on the beach while at our hotel. I read this essay for the first time while sitting on the beach and I was brought to sobbing tears -- it was so beautiful, and so unexpected that the tears just started flowing. And, looking back, I was meant to read it at that exact moment on that beautiful beach...Hannah would not have wanted it any other way since she absolutely LOVED the beach and I could 'feel' her with me as I was reading. To give a little bit of background before I share this beautiful essay, we need to go back to the beginning, to when Hannah was first diagnosed with brain cancer. I remember sitting in a conference room in the hospital with her oncology team just days after her biopsy surgery in early October 2012 and heard words that still haunt me to this day ("malignant, anaplastic astrocytoma, gliomatosis cerebri, terminal," and much more I can't even remember now since I think I stopped listening after I heard the word terminal...) – but, after hearing all the bad news the very first question that came out of my mouth was, “can she still play soccer?” The news itself was devastating enough but to have to go back into her room and tell her that she could never play again was more than I could bear. Her oncologist made a deal with her – as long as she felt up to it, she could play, but she had to promise to wear protective head gear and no headers. As much as it pained her to agree to never head the ball again, she agreed if it meant she would be allowed back on the field! And, back on the field she went, on October 17th, 2012, just seventeen days after brain surgery. After so much heartbreak and stress, just to see Hannah suited up and on the field with her friends and teammates that day was enough for us. But, it wasn’t enough for her – she was determined to play, and no one was going to stop her. So, that brings me to the incredible essay we received from a Wall Township student...no coincidences... On October 17, 2012 I woke up feeling very special. Like every other birthday, my family showered me with gifts before I left for school. At school my friends decorated my locker. After school I had a soccer game at a nearby town. Soccer was my life then and still is today, I love the game. In my head this was going to be the most perfect birthday; it was our last game of an amazing undefeated season, I was the captain of the team, and we were playing Tinton Falls who had a losing record. However, this game seemed different, starting with the unusually large crowd. Most games that season we would blow teams away, but it was halftime and we were tied 1-1 to one of the last teams in the division. The next 35 minutes flew by and much to my surprise we were going into overtime, golden goal. Within the first five minutes, Tinton Falls gained possession of the ball, played it over top to a forward, who took the ball out of the air and attacked our goal. Our scholarship committee members also felt such emotion after reading this particular essay and the decision was made to create an additional award for Most Impactful Essay, beginning this year. Had we not expanded the scholarship program this year, we never would have had the opportunity to meet Maggie -- this was no coincidence, it was just meant to be. John & I were so proud and honored to meet Maggie and present her with the scholarship during the Wall HS Academic Awards Ceremony a few weeks ago. She truly is a special soul, and now our families are intertwined forever, all because of one fateful soccer game almost six years ago. Hannah’s greatest fear was that she was going to be forgotten. To know she is remembered with kindness, compassion and inclusion is the greatest gift our family could ever receive. A beautiful legacy, for sure.
Defining moments for two young girls, both with far reaching impacts beyond what either could have ever imagined. Love ALWAYS wins, for sure.
A little over a year ago we were introduced to the Where Angels Play Foundation, an incredible organization with a simple mission -- "to create joyful places to play and a return to family values in the wake of tragedy." From the very first moment we met this army of angels, we felt an incredible bond...it's hard to put in to words but I truly feel that Hannah brought us all together, not only to build her beautiful angel playground here in our hometown of Tinton Falls, but she's given us another family. Since Hannah's playground build, we have been blessed to take part in the construction of additional playgrounds in NJ, Boston and PA, and we look forward to taking part in many future projects as well. There is something so special about being able to bring joy in the wake of grief and pain...many days it is very difficult and the tears come without warning, but during this process there are also many smiles too. For us, we have been able to channel our own grief into something positive, both with our own foundation as well as through Where Angels Play. This has also given Robbie a gift greater than anything we could possibly teach him on our own...a community of friends who have shown him what it means to pay it forward - to be part of something bigger than himself - a beautiful gift for another family and community, a growing self-confidence, and, of course, camaraderie with a bunch of crazy firemen!
Robbie was the foreman during Hannah's playground build and he's very proud of his sissy's playground. We visit quite often and I also find myself stopping by just to sit or walk around the park...from the moment it was decided to build on the site at Liberty Park, I could feel Hannah's presence all around. She sends us SO many signs but I especially feel her with us at the park, and there's not a doubt in my mind that she loves every last detail. I have a story for another day about the power of our angel and how we believe she knew of her beautiful playground way before we did, but this blog post is about Robbie and the love he has for his sissy. During one of our recent stops to the playground, Robbie told us that it would be really awesome if we could add swings. I agreed that it would be an awesome addition, to which he replied, "ok, mama, call Bill and tell him I want swings!" He then asked me, "how can we get money? "You" need a fundraiser". I have to admit, I was pretty impressed and quite proud that at six years old he knew that we needed to raise money in order to get the swings...but I told him that "he" should be in charge of fundraising for the swings. We thought about things he could do, and immediately we agreed that he could raise money by having a lemonade stand. During the build weekend, Robbie had a lemonade stand set up, with all proceeds supporting the Where Angels Play Foundation -- and he was quite the salesman! We all laughed because although he was selling for 25 cents a cup, he didn't give change! So, if you gave him "green money", he just gave out the lemonade, said thank you, and then put the money in his box! Bill was so impressed that he told him he was going to take him out on the road! So, we talked to Bill and he loved the idea of having Robbie lead the fundraising effort for the addition of swings at Hannah's playground and he will be signing a contract to make it official. Robbie is already very proud (and protective) of Hannah's playground, but this will allow him to create his own legacy for his sister...and what a gift that will be, not only for him, but for every child that comes to visit and play on the playground.
So, Robbie has held two lemonade stands so far in his effort, the first at the inaugural farmers market at Falls Village, where he not only sold the lemonade but he also told everyone it was "for swings for his sissy Hannah's playground". Our little boy is really starting to come out of his shell, and we couldn't be more proud of the kind, compassionate, and very funny young man he is becoming. He then held a second lemonade stand at our recent Hustle4Hannah 5K race, also a very successful venture. We came home and counted his stack of money and were quite impressed with the funds he had raised all on his own. In mid October, we traveled down to Myrtle Beach to participate in the Where Angels Play FLASH Fundraiser, a wonderful event that brings police and fire departments from all around NJ together to raise funds for this incredible organization. Following dinner the first evening, during the opening ceremonies, our family spoke briefly about Robbie's mission to raise funds for the installation of swings at Hannah's playground and then Robbie presented Bill with a check....for $400! Our little guy received a standing ovation for all of his hard work!
And, the other day, Robbie received a surprise letter in the mail. Just getting his own mail was excitement enough, but even better was what was inside. It was a letter from Pat Colligan, President of the NJPBA, and he wanted to let Robbie know he was sorry he missed his lemonade stands before, but when he has the next one, he wants a whole pitcher of lemonade! And, included with the letter was a check for $1,000. To say we are humbled is an understatement, and Robbie is over the moon that he is more than half way to his goal of fully funding swings for Hannah's playground. This little boy and the love he has for his sister will move mountains, that is for sure! A special thank you to Pat, and to everyone who has contributed to help Robbie in his mission...it means more than you will ever know...and I think the smile on his face says it all!
If you would like to help Robbie in his mission to continue to bring joy, you can make a donation to his online fundraiser below. All proceeds to be directed to the Where Angels Play Foundation to support their mission to build playgrounds and bring joy. Thank you in advance for your support!!! #lovealwayswins #inspiredbyhannah #whereangelsplay
"When you see the light, think of me" -- Hannah
Dear Friend, At 13, my beautiful daughter Hannah Duffy was a talented athlete, a loyal friend, and an adoring big sister. Hannah began having seizures in July of 2012, and when our local hospital couldn't find anything wrong, we came to The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. When CHOP oncologist Dr. Jean Belasco told Hannah she had a malignant brain tumor, my girl bravely prepared to fight. She was determined to live her best life with whatever time she had left, and Dr Belasco promised to help her do that. The care Hannah received at CHOP--medical, spiritual, and emotional--made all the difference in her journey. Our family is so grateful for your support of CHOP. Soccer was everything to Hannah. She began chemotherapy, but refused a chemo port so she could keep playing. Three weeks into treatment, amid cheers of "Duffy is a toughie," she scored the winning goal in double overtime. That was Hannah for you. After that, Hannah underwent nine months of outpatient chemotherapy and radiation. She demanded spicy food on chemo days. She cuddled her little brother Robbie. She laughed and she made us laugh. Then her aggressive brain tumor returned with a vengeance, landing her back at CHOP with no further treatment options. I'll never forget the day CHOP Chaplain Laura Palmer met with us. Hannah was very sick but, as always, she wanted to face her situation head on. She asked, "Will everyone forget me when I die?" Laura told Hannah she made such a big impact on her family and friends that no one would forget her. "Because," she said, "when you love someone deeply, you live in that love forever." Hannah asked, "Will people be disappointed? I was supposed to beat cancer." The chaplain told Hannah, "You have beaten cancer, by not letting it touch your spirit. Every day you inspire others by not letting fear hold you back, by living life on your own terms." It was the truth. And Hannah felt much better. So did I. Soon after, Hannah asked to go home. On that day, hundreds of our Tinton Falls, NJ friends and neighbors lined our street to give her a hero's welcome. Hannah being Hannah, she gave assigments to her survivors. Her friends were to wear pink high heels with a silver H on the soles to her wake. She asked them to embroider her name on their wedding dresses so she could be there in spirit. She loved sunbeams and said, "When you see the light, think of me." Hannah lived, with help from hospice, for five more weeks. She died on September 26, 2013, and her memory shines brightly for all of us who loved her. Some cancers still can't be beaten. But although our story didn't end up the way we wanted, CHOP provided Hannah--and our family--with the best possible care in every way. Please accept my family's heartfelt thanks for your support of CHOP, and my best wishes for a holiday season filled with love and light. For the love of Hannah, Susan Funck Included with my letter is a blue star, intended to be placed on an electric candle to shine 'CHOP blue' during the holiday season. Many of the buildings in the city of Philadelphia will be lit up blue during the holiday season, specifically during December 14-16, as part of the Season of Light campaign, all of which has been inspired by our Hannah. We will be going down to Philadelphia during that time to see the light displays in person....in some small way it will allow us to feel closer to Hannah. I just know she wouldn't miss seeing the city lit up in blue, all inspired by her love and her light. Pretty awesome if you ask me....
Please take a moment and send a child a special note this holiday season from the link below....it doesn't cost a thing, but will surely lift the spirits of a child in the hospital. https://give.chop.edu/page/s/share-your-light And, for this holiday season, if you're thinking about making a donation for a good cause, please consider making a donation directly to CHOP in memory of our Hannah during this "Season of Light". "Live with No Regrets, Love with Compassion, Be Kind, and Never Ever Give up that Fighting Spirit" Those Facebook memory updates usually bring up sad moments for me, but not today, this was one of the BEST moments through not only Hannah's journey with cancer, but what a special lifetime moment! She was SO happy to be back on the field with her teammates, and they all played with heart and soul for their dear friend. When Hannah scored that winning goal in double overtime, it was the BEST feeling ever...I can close my eyes and bring myself right back there, when in that moment there was nothing but pure joy...no cancer, no pain, nothing but joy. It really was one of the happiest moments of our lives, and it showed everyone that no matter what life throws at you, don't ever ever give up. So, today I say thank you to facebook for reminding me to remember the joy and the extraordinary impact of one young girl. I can't believe this was 2yrs ago...one of the BEST days, a day no one will forget. Miss you, my angel girl. I'm sure you're scoring goals up there in heaven too. 💜⚽💜 Wow, lots of great things happened today... Hannah went back to school today for the first time in nearly a month. Not for the whole day, but she was able to enjoy lunch with her friends and the afternoon classes. She was also cleared to play soccer, so she was finally able to play in her first game in the middle school as an 8th grade captain. To say she was excited is an understatement. Today the game was against Wall Twp...they were pretty confident since they had beaten our team earlier in the season. What they didn't bank on was the determination and heart of 18 girls who were thrilled to have their friend and teammate Hannah back on the field with them. The lady Panthers played an amazing game and the game was tied 0-0 at the end. The game went into overtime and then it happened...Hannah scored the winning goal! Omg, everyone went wild and cheered like crazy...of course, me being the emotional basket case that I am, just cried...tears of joy of course. What a storybook ending to an awesome game. I have to say, Hannah scored the goal but EVERY one of those girls played with heart...great job today lady Panthers! Robbie had fun at the game too, though he spent more time running around than watching the game! Thank you Daniele for playing with Robbie...we can't wait to come over tomorrow and play some more! Jeni, we may have a budding romance on our hands! And, a special thank you to everyone who continues to pray for Hannah...it means more to us than you'll ever know. She is a strong girl and proves it to us each and every day. Today just lifted her spirits so much. Wow is all I can say...today was good....real good ...
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April 2021
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